TMI
by anondecepticon
Summary: TFA one-shot. Megatron and Blitzwing discover that while some things are best left to the imagination, others are really, really not. Mature humor.


**Title: **TMI  
**Obligatory Disclaimer:** I don't own Transformers, I just write about them doing inappropriate things.  
**Warning(s):** Implied sex, inappropriate humor, possible emotional scarring.  
**Author's Note:** This one-shot arose as a result of sleep deprivation and a very amusing IM conversation with the fabulous Kookaburra. I take no responsibility for the psychological damage it may inflict.

In hindsight, it wasn't all that surprising. One might have even said it was inevitable.

Ever since the leader of Team Chaar had joined Megatron and his crew aboard their ship, they'd been eyeing each other. Sizing each other up. Taking each other's measure.

So when the ever-loyal Lugnut failed to appear on the bridge for his scheduled duty shift, and Strika, the formidable General of Destruction, was also noted to be conspicuously absent, it didn't take a genius mech to figure out what had happened.

Megatron scowled from his position on the throne-like command chair and let loose an irritable growl.

Blitzwing, the only other Decepticon currently present on the bridge, glanced over at him from his post at the navigation array. He was currently sporting the visage of his cold, logical personality, and spoke in its corresponding calm, rational voice. "It would appear Lugnut has been delayed."

"Yes," Megatron replied shortly, in a tone that promised considerable pain to any fool who made themselves the target of his ire.

That was when the noises began.

They were relatively quiet at first; a soft, sudden bang, a low metallic scraping, a muted roar.

"My Lord Megatron, shall I investigate the disturbance?" Blitzwing asked.

"No," Megatron replied curtly.

The noises grew progressively louder. Soon the corridors of Megatron's warship were filled with them. Heavy, subsonic rumblings. A steady, rhythmic banging.

"Strika und Lugnut, I presume," Blitzwing said after a moment.

"Yes," Megatron growled, his grip tightening on the armrests of his command chair.

The banging got louder. Beneath it, the rumbles resolved into deep, vibrating groans, accompanied by the hectic revving of overheated engines.

Blitzwing seemed taken aback. "Are they..?"

"Yes," Megatron gritted through clenched denta. The armrests of his chair were beginning to distort beneath his crushing grip, and his murderous tone suggested that Blitzwing would be wise to shut up immediately.

The banging continued, even louder now, and its pace quickened considerably. The rhythmic sounds echoed through the cavernous halls of the _Nemesis_ as if the ship were under assault by manic giant wielding a massive pile driver.

Blitzwing arched an impressed brow-plate. "One has to admire Lugnut's…enthusiasm," he commented.

"Indeed," Megatron growled.

Impossibly, the banging grew still _louder_, almost frantic – a punishing, relentless hammering that shook the very walls of the Decepticon warship. The rumbling groans and revving engines took on a frenetic, fevered pitch, vibrating the deckplates beneath their feet.

Blitzwing appeared to have been shocked into silence. Even Megatron's optics widened in surprise. Strika was not a femme to be trifled with; he hadn't named her his General of Destruction on a mere whim. Granted, that might mean she was entirely capable of tolerating such treatment, but even so…

Lugnut's deep, resonant voice suddenly rose up out of the din, bellowing, **"YES, YES, **_**YES!**_** POUND me with your GLORIOUS cord, my MAGNIFICENT **_**GODDESS!"**_

In counterpoint to his words came Strika's laughter, low and curiously staccato as a result of what were undoubtedly extremely _vigorous_ thrusts.

The mental image that immediately arose in Megatron's processor was more horrifying than any of the countless atrocities the ancient warlord had ever committed or witnessed. His right optic twitched as he initiated the command code to permanently wipe the disturbing visual from his memory core.

"Hmm," Blitzwing said. "That was more than I wished to know."

"Agreed," Megatron rumbled.

***fin***


End file.
